Ohhh, those crazy and nutty rednecks of Florida.

Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.

A special law prohibits unmarried women (whether single, divorced or widowed) from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.

If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.

In Sarasota, it is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.

Bringing new meaning to Miami Vice, it’s illegal to give a lighted cigarette to a cat or dog in Miami. (Loony Laws” by Robert Pelton)

South Beach, you are under arrest! In Miami, it’s illegal for men to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. (Loony Laws” by Robert Pelton)

Florida and the (this must be a joke) Ben Stein law

Remember that wiley Ben Stein, the guy who played the teacher in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” and hosted the funniest game show in the world? Well, you’ll be happy to know that these days, he’s still making people laugh.

According to the AP, Stein wants the state of Florida to pass a law requiring schools to teach alternatives to evolution.

He also wants the school to hire a very nasal sounding teacher to teach the class in the hopes the students will fall asleep during the evolution discussion.

Stein claims the additions will improve their education and prepare them for high-tech jobs. Yeah, if the students are graduating into the Dark Ages.

More silly and stupid florida laws

• Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging.
• It is considered an offense to shower naked.
• You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers.
• It is illegal to block any traveled wagon road.
• Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
• If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
• It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
• You may not fart in a public place after 6 P.M. on Thursdays.
• Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
• It is illegal to skateboard without a license.
• A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
• Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.

Big Pine Key

• It is illegal to molest a Key deer. If caught one will be fined or will have to go to jail.

Cape Coral

• It is against the city ordinance to hang your clothes outside on a clothesline.
• It it illegal to park a pick-up truck in your driveway or in front of your house on the street. This law is limited to only those who do not own the house. (Repealed 2000)

Daytona Beach

• Sec. 10-56. While intoxicated, under influence of narcotics, prohibited. It shall be unlawful for any person to swim or bathe in that portion of the Atlantic Ocean within the corporate limits of the city when under the influence of intoxicating liquor or narcotic drugs to the extent that his or her normal faculties are impaired. (Code 1955, ? 28-64)
• Sec. 18-2. Weeds, trash, etc., as a public nuisance; removal by property owner or by city at owner’s expense; notice and hearing; lien for expenses. (a) The existence of weeds, trash, undergrowth, brush, filth, garbage or other refuse on any lot, tract or parcel of land within the city which has caused the property to become, or which may reasonably cause the property to become infested, or inhabited by rodents, vermin or wild animals, or may furnish a breeding place for mosquitoes or threatens the public health, safety or welfare, or may reasonably cause disease or adversely affects and impairs the economic welfare of the adjacent property, is declared to constitute a public nuisance and is hereby prohibited.
• Sec. 22-44. Storage, depositing prohibited. It shall be unlawful for any person, either as owner, occupant, lessee, agent, tenant, or otherwise, to store or deposit, or cause or permit to be stored or deposited, any abandoned, junked or discarded motor vehicle or motor vehicles upon any public or private property within the city. (Code 1955, ? 20-11)
• The molestation of trash cans is banned.

Hialeah

• Ambling and strolling is a misdemeanor.
• Sec. 3-1. Bird sanctuary declared. (a) It is hereby declared that all territory embraced within the corporate limits of the municipality shall be a bird sanctuary. (b) It shall be unlawful for any person within the municipality to shoot, trap or in any manner kill, wound or maim any bird of any kind, or at any time to throw at any birds of any kind any missile with slingshots or any other weapon, or to disturb their eggs or their young or their nests. (Ord. No. 8-59, ?? 1, 2, 8-10-59)
• Jupiter Inlet Colony Inlet

Key West

• Chickens are considered a ‘protected species’.

Miami

• Sec. 8-3. Bell or other warning device. No person shall operate a bicycle unless it is equipped with a bell or device capable of giving a signal audible for a distance of at least 100 feet, but no bicycle shall be equipped with, nor shall any person use upon a bicycle, any siren or whistle. (Code 1967, ? 8-3; Code 1980, ? 8-3)
• It is illegal for men to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.

Pensacola

• A women can be fined (only after death), for being electrocuted in a bath-tub because of using self-beautification utensils.
• It is illegal to roll a barrel on any street, fines go up according to the contents of the barrel.
• Citizens may not be caught downtown without at least 10 dollars on their person.

Pinecrest

• In order to operate a burglar alarm, a permit must be obtained. Sec. 12-23. Registration required; application; transferability; false statements. (a)All persons must complete and submit to the village an emergency contact registration form for their alarm if they operate or cause to be operated an alarm system in the village. A separate registration is required for each alarm system. Upon receipt of a completed registration form, the police department shall issue a numbered alarm sticker to the applicant to facilitate retrieval of registration information. (Ord. No. 97-17, ? 1, 10-14-97)

Sanford

• Stage nudity is banned, with the exception of “bona fide” theatrical performances. Violating this ordinance results in a $100 fine.

Sarasota

• You may not catch crabs.
• If you hit a pedestrian you are fined $78.00.
• Tampa Bay
• It is illegal to eat cottage cheese on Sunday after 6:00 P.M.

From Randazza

The Legal Satyricon
Occasionally Irreverent Thoughts on the Law by Prof. Marc J. Randazza

Baldwin, Florida - Another Day, Another Peckerwood Town Passes Another Dumb Law

A town that is probably a poster-zone for the Mullets Galore website don’t seem to have no cause to be tellin’ nobody how to dress. Nevertheless, Baldwin, Florida is the latest racist peckerwood town to waste its time passing an unconstitutional law against them damn kids and their baggy pants. St. Pete Times story.

The new law in this little place in northeast Florida makes it illegal within town limits to wear baggy, below-the-butt pants, and comes with punishments ranging from 40 hours of community service to a $500 fine. The five-person Town Council passed it last month unanimously.

Do you think that the racist hee-haw junkies that run this town are considering banning Mullets? How about Oakley sunglasses? Fat white women in “mom jeans?” Jean shorts on men?

Although these fashion disasters are just as bad as low-rider pants (which I agree look stupid as all hell), they come from the trailer-park side of the tracks. And y’all don’t mess with that in these here parts.

Baldwin Town Council member Guy Ambrose proposed the law. He is quoted as saying: “This town, in a lot of ways, built who I am. I think we’re losing that nowadays.”

If Mr. Ambrose is losing what he is because of low-rider pants, my assessment is that he wasn’t much to begin with.

If freedom doesn’t mean being free to wear what you want, no matter how dumb it may look, then what the hell does freedom really mean?

Do you really want this pork-rind eating, Hee-Haw watching moron deciding what you can and can’t wear?

So according to the above law prof., we get this…

legal attire for Florida

This redneck family portrait anal lube and all is just too funny… but legal

 

its all good with the belly

Now for the not so legal attire…